Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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