I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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