I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
