Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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