i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
