Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
No...this little piggys going to the bar
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
