I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
