I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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