I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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