Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
