Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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