I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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