I've blown a few things in my day
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I wish there were birth control emojis
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
