im drinking this country out of the recession.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
