i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
