I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
