yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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