maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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