If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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