she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
