wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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