puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
