my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
