Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
