I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
