Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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