I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
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i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
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BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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