I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
