Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
