i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
