Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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