my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
