I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
