Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
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He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
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I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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