i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
