Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
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My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
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I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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