just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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