Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
