there was a trapeze. enough said
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I see more hoeing in ur future
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
