can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Randomize
