Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize