woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
