i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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