After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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