At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
