I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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