I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
