You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
