Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
