New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
