i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
birth control should be required to get into college
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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