She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I skipped work to stalk him.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
