we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize