so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
