I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
