looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
