What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
