I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Randomize
