I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize