dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
