Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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