Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
And my parents said I crawled through the house
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
