Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
