what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
