what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
