Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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