i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Randomize
