We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
