I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
it was like eating out sand paper
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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