we have pet lesbian snakes
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
