My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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