come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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