we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
