I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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