I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
