When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
