we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You're a waste of cheezeits
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
