Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
