it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
